Inside the Mind of Mike Rouse-Deane

Long time ago, in a galaxy far far away

2010-03-09T18:15:00.002Z

It's been a while since I updated this. To be fair, it's been such a while because ages back I wrote about my life, 365 days of it, and gave the honest truth, I wrote what I was doing and even took a photo for 365 days. I work with Cubs and one person, who will remain nameless, decided to spout that I was dirty, wrong at being gay and decided to inform parents they shouldn't leave their kids with me, hence I blocked every single thing I had written.

I completed my challenge, I wrote about my life for 365 days and it was a weird experience but it happened and it's stored on my harddrive (one day a book, but who knows). Since then I'm still at Comet working away, I'm still writing, I'm studying to become a teacher by doing an Open University course and I got Twisted Tales published and LAST (about the last man on Earth).

I'm a busy chap of late and still I ponder new stories, new books. My next short story collection has a few already saved, I've just started the opening of "The Storm's Eye" which is the sequel to Thunderstorm. And I've also up to chapter 3 of "Second Life", so they're still there, alas I've just not got time to sort it all out, but I will, trust me, I wanna get another book out before the end of the year at least!

So yer, things are hectic but fine. How about you?

Third Age : North Tower

2007-07-27T23:11:00.001Z

After reading the post before my last one, only moments ago, I noticed I wrote "The North Tower". How good would that be in the Third Age series? Interesting huh? :) I quite like it...

End of Harry

2007-07-27T23:05:00.000Z

Finally finished it just moments ago, the end of Harry Potter. To think I never really enjoyed reading the first book and put it down after the first chapter, to actually be so engrossed in this last book is weirdly unbelievable but in one week I've finished it and abeit a bit confused, it's over, the last remaining Harry Potter book.

I wonder if I'll ever get to that point where people will be so thrilled and so excited about the prospect of my books that they'll queue up, wait in line. Will Waning Moon or Dark Thread or even the Thunderstorm series be so strong that it gets a decent audience. I don't care if it doesn't make me millions, £450 million like JK, I don't mind that, my happiness would be having someone come up to me in the street and ask to sign something, that would probably be my happiness.

At the moment, today, I've had the concept of a new idea, something interesting and new that I maybe lay my teeth into - The Third Age: The Forever Stone:

In the third age of mankind, the different rule. Though through the horror and terrors which lay upon the Earth as is, one youth appears to challenge and stumbles across an age old secret which will discover the true identity of who rightfully is in power, and what the Forever Stone truely is.

I really want this as the first book of a few, but problem is I know what the Forever Stone is and that would make it the last book of the series, so I'm gonna ponder this universe I want to create, with Kreatures (Creatures), whispers (wind) and other terminology that will be fantastic to describe certain things. The Third Age will be quite interesting, we'll see I guess...

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of Your Life

2007-07-22T22:58:00.000Z

Not only is that the first chapter to Second Life (which I can't write until I've completed chapter 2 to the end, strangely enough. But it's also has meaning to my life.

Tomorrow (or later today) I start at Comet. I get 2 weeks of training, 1 week of sitting behind and finding out how to do my job and then 1 week of doing it to then have a week with the Scouts to start it properly and full timely.

It's gonna be good, but I'm scared as hell. Everyone says that's normal, it's a new job so it's gonna be new. Had a great last day at the BBC, everyone was so nice, the wonderful presents and cards, it definately made my day.

Also Saturday was brilliant, great night out, got some funky photos of peeps and hopefully they've turned out great. We'll see I guess :) All in all it's weird going to bed early but at least I'll read a bit of Harry Potter (which I agree with Lindsay - I'm hooked and it's only chapter 4 - why couldn't most of the others be like this?)

So far my current novel ideas are:
Loving Ms Erin - in production, at the moment I'm figuring out how to end it properly.
Second Life - chapter 2 is almost finished, chapter 1 hasn't been done.
The Storm's Eye - sequel to Thunderstorm, that's ALL I'm saying
The Metric System - my sci-fi thing, kinda sweet
A Journey of Impossible Things - another time travel series of books
The Number 47 - not sure yet...
More Bah Than Bach - about a sheep and classical music
A Year Out - about a guy who takes a year from his life
North Tower - about a tower surrounded by the sea

Wonderful World

2007-07-09T12:30:00.000Z

I've got a new job, working at Comet. I start on the 23rd of July and I'm nervous but also excited. It gets me away from cleaning at the BBC which was definately getting me totally down of late, and gets me away from the hassles it entails.

But today I'm slightly... well... I'm down. I don't know why, I think it's been rolling this way and suddenly today it's hit me. I'm down, low to the ground. I was looking at my life last night, do I have one? Have I made a difference? Does anyone notice me?

I write about how even a small action can change someone else's life and therefore you're always doing something, but what if my life is just that? Making others get to their place. What if I don't have a path? I'm just seriously down... :(

Mike's Grand Adventure...

2007-06-16T20:18:00.000Z

I guess this is meerly a catchup as such, since it's been a few weeks since I've even written anything down. Work is getting to me, badly, worse now. On Tuesday my boss decided to go all out and put me deep into trouble, to a point where I'm on the brink of being fired or my hours being cut once again.

I've worked my ass off every since. I've stopped talking to the fellow people in the BBC (as that was one subject that was brought up - I talk to them too much). I don't take my break until the very end of my shift and I stay within the BBC to have it, writing application forms though. I've knuckled down and I can't wait to go.

It feels strange, I was offered a place in Mexico a few months back. A friend online was going there, he was going to pay the rent and see if he could work for an entire year. I could have had a place by his side, the only thing would be I would have to work for food to live, but at least I'd have shelter from the cold, it might have made me into a "man", some life experience. Instead I turned it down. I was worried about my sister and to be honest, I was worried whether I could do it.

I've met a good friend recently called Lindsay. He's great, I doubt I could still be smiling without having him about. Sounds lovey dovey but it isn't. He wants to remain friends and I'm not gonna push it, I've pushed it in the past and remained single throughout, so as long as he makes me happy and cheers me up like he did on Tuesday and such, then I'll be okay.

The Kid's Book Project has been going great! Though pre-orders we're still near 20, but hopefully that would change soon. The Tastefully Done 2008 calendar is looking nice, got a great set of people in it this year, including someone I asked last year - Fred Grisolm.

I'm also pondering doing a Webcomics Anonymous, since Zoinks Magazine and Squid & Ink doesn't seem to be doing anything. It would be a A5 magazine, colour front, interior already jam packed with some brilliant ideas from me, which I can't wait to do.

Currently I'm writing whilst listening to Shawshank Redemption my webcomic 12 with Jon Scriven. I'm writing, he's drawing and some of the artwork so far that I've seen (only sketches mind) are mind blowing. I'm so glad to have picked this project with him, had this idea of 12 random people that you'd probably meet in the street and made it into something fascinating.

Loving Ms Erin and Second Life are alas in my head but nothing's coming out. As soon as I leave work, I think I will find my umpf again. Mike's Grand Adventure is getting there through life, slowly but surely... with a lot of hiccups and a lot of sadness, but I'm shockingly surprised, I've yet to be depressed in... quite a few months now.

Dying Inside

2007-06-02T20:22:00.000Z

Work is really getting me down seriously, especially after Thursdays meeting where my "standards have dropped" and I have to put a "smile on for people". It's seriously annoying me and I so wanna leave, up sticks and go. Whichever job wants me first, I'm theres no matter what. I'd wish the Guides positions became available but... I'll be wishing a while I suspect.

I'm just honestly feel like I'm dying inside. Slowly but surely my life is being drained away. I've got tons of debt, £300 on my Mastercard, and I can't seem to shift it. I'm gonna have to go into prostitution I feel :) Will anyone want this body? :)

Travelling Man..

2007-05-23T19:34:00.000Z

I'm getting itchy feet. I'm so not looking forward to going back to work next week. Not only have I heard that my replacement is doing such a wonderful job than me, but as everyone knows I've been trying for a job so much over the past few months that... well... I'm awaiting the day when someone says "wanna job?" and my reply will always be "definately!"

But with Ireland and Driffield (sure it's a Scout Camp), I'm wanting to travel more. My friend Martin's done it and he's one year older than me, so why can't I? Well, money is one issue, renting my own home is another. I just barely make ends meat, but... I'm gonna try, even if it's for a few days here and a few days there.

I'd like to do Scotland and Germany this year... maybe before the Summer Camp with Scouts later in the year - that would be amazing. Edinburgh and then Germany (both places that are in my blood in some respects or another).

I just wanna travel...

Bejezus My Feet Kill

2007-05-23T14:17:00.000Z

It's been a long trek today, but last night I finally found my Irish Pub with an Irish band. Was amazing, even bought a CD for 15 EUROS (yes a lot of money for me on a budget but when am I in Ireland again? Huh?) I even got asked for ID, which I had expected. Though alas my PSP has finally died, no more battery power, so tonight no more LEGO Star Wars *weaps*

Tried Eddie Rockets (a place my sister suggested) and it's very American and very filling. I didn't even order a dessert. Today I got up at 9am and journeyed to the bottom left of my small map to the Guiness Factory. I went around, visiting, having a look and got a cool gift for free (just for being a tourist). You get a stone with a speck of Guiness in it. Even tried the stuff - YUCK! Never again I guess.

Then because I had remembered my sister saying about the Zoo, I travelled to the top left of the map and beyond it to get there. It was a huge trek, my feet haven't stopped since, I'm just finally having a rest here, right now, typing this up. It's bloody annoying. And I also keep saying Bejezus (in an Irish accent - hehe).

I'm still looking forward to tomorrow's long trek back home. Bus -> Plane -> Bus -> Bus -> Hull -> Walking. That's the plan. Last night I've been writing up ideas for my webcomic "12" which is about 12 different characters and I've finally decided that when I return to the UK, this Summer (after I've paid off my loan finally) I'm going to get Movie Club up and running and ready. That's my own personal project I'd like to do... got tons of ideas for it, so that will be good!!

I can't wait to get back home - though whether I'll get back with all my gifts and stuff I've been purchasing for peeps. I'm sure I have about 2 things for each person I went to buy stuff for. I'm also longing for a nice relaxing shower and to smell... better than I am now... :) No comments on me always smelling anyway :P

See ya all in Hull (tomorrow) and then I'm back away for Driffield - canna wait!

Ireland of Rain

2007-05-22T12:56:00.000Z

Well, it's spitting but nothing major. The skyline isn't what it was yesterday but well... I can't grumble. I've been out and about having a look at places, just visiting local sights, taking photos and the like (and even sending a postcard). Got some presents as well, which is cool, but I'm shattered, playing LEGO Star Wars until the middle of the night isn't a good thing I guess.

Tomorrow I'm off to go to the Guiness Factory and that area of Dublin, maybe taste what everyone loves so much down here. Alas haven't had a ginger beer just yet, but maybe tonight. I'm gonna try another restaurant tonight, I'm making sure I don't stray towards McDonalds or Burger King or anything too Britishy, I wanna at least be able to say I've tried some of the Irish culture.

Tonight I'm going to try and go into a bar, even if it's for just one bottle of blue WKD (you all know what I'm like, I'll be pissed by the end of it). I just want to listen to some live Irish music but yesterday when I was just walking about I hear some Irish singers singing Oasis songs, which... well, didn't fill me with happiness that I was about to hear some great Irish songs sung by real Irish people, we'll see tonight.

Apart from that the room is ace. The pillow is quite... icky but the quilt is gorgeous... even though it won't fit in my rucksack I'm so tempted to stuff it down my jumper on my way out on Thursday... think anyone will notice?

Top Of The Mornin' To Ya!

2007-05-21T17:36:00.000Z

Well, I finally arrived after discovering my bloody train was not arriving at 8am but 9am, so I was dashing around and therefore didn't have anything to eat, only a Lucozade when I arrived in Leeds - bah!

However once I got to the airport things were fine until I had to "remove" (ie. dump) my deodrant due to the fact it's now classed as an illegal object if its over 100mls (mine was 150ml), so I'm gonna smell, but at least I'm not in Ireland to pull, that's the main thing, hehe.

Once landed, it was quite easy finding my room (it's beautiful, better than the proper hotel in New York). I've been around the city and because it's my birthday I decided to treat myself, so spend 20 EUROs on dinner having a lovely burger with cheese, cut potatoes as fries, a hot fudge sundae AND my favourite thing of all now - a GINGER Ale.

Anyone who's anyone knows of my gingerbread addiction - well, now I have a new addiction - Ginger Ale. It's brilliant and gorgeous... hmmm....

Now I'm just surfing the net, checking out tons of well wishes and birthday messages (thanks guys) and then I'm off to go to my hostel, stay in my room listening to music and playing my PSP (my sis got me LEGO Star Wars for it, sooooo loving the game!!!)

So apart from that, Ireland is great, I'm already enjoying the blue skies, etc. etc. just very thirsty cause of wearing a jumper (at least I left my coat in my room...)

Speak to you guys soon.

24 Birthday

2007-05-20T23:08:00.000Z

6 hours time I was born 24 years ago.
13 hours time I'm on a plane.
8 hours time I'm waking up.
At least 15 hours time I'm in Ireland.
In less than 24 hours I'll be sleeping in another bed.
And in less than a few minutes I'm going to bed.

Bad News...

2007-05-16T12:27:00.000Z

Went out last night and had a great time, alas this morning I'm feeling the brunt of drinking 4 glasses of white wine (something I don't often do - and probably will do again). But also some bad news, my house is supposidly being sold (the landlord wants rid) so I may have to find a new house.

I've gotten used to living here now, it's like it's mine in some respects and now I have to do the journey of finding a new place, it just isn't fair :(

Love Me Quick

2007-05-05T20:40:00.000Z

I've been typing up some stories for Twisted Tales Of, since my usual nighttime activity is away from the computer. I've noticed something in my writing. Ever since I discovered my father cheating on my mother, my stories have reflected that, they've lost the love and I worry that maybe I have too.

I once believed that marriage above all meant something, I still do, I still hold dear that someday when I marry I'll be with that partner for the rest of our lives, never waning, never parting, but I see it all over, people seperating and one out of billions stay together for the whole hog. I want that, I really truthfully do.

I'm all dressed up with no place to go but strangely enough tonight I don't want to go out, I'm visiting my worlds once more, the ones that have been written and disappeared. That's how my stories go, they spring up, they're written down and they disappear. Characters may be recalled but once written, they dissolve. One day, will I?

Something to ponder I guess... tomorrow I have work but Monday it's off, so I may just wander, walk upon a lonely cloud and dream :)

Summer Flu

2007-05-02T00:32:00.000Z

I've been coughing like crazy, not getting much sleep and it's the start of May already. Not long until my best friend Emily has her birthday and then surprisingly only a week and a bit later I'm having mine. Feels honestly too weird to say.

But that also means on my 24th birthday I'm flying off to distant lands, distant shores and distant adventures. It'll be fun! I've also started doing my Webcomic nude calendar and Kid's Project is going really well so far - 10 pages out of 58!!!

This year is impressive and interesting. Hopefully 2 more novels and 1 short story book!! :)

End In Sight

2007-04-17T21:10:00.000Z

I have, tonight whilst walking back from work, figured out the end to Second Life which means that now Loving Ms Erin and Second Life both have GREAT endings!

I must admit, both are amazing! Though it'll be a few months before they're officially written into place, but... so far they're great, a good way to focus the road of the story on! YAY!

DRUNKEN and FUN

2007-04-16T12:55:00.000Z

This weekend I've had the taste of doing strange things. First off, Friday I went to Fuel (a gay nightclub) without knowing this guy that much, got to meet his friends and to be honest didn't really enjoy it that much, it was like I was being left out.

Sunday, I went with my mate from the BBC and his gang, and I had so much fun. Each one of them were asking me if I was okay, dancing with me, chatting to me, so I wasn't really bored I was more entertained and the like. I even met a few other people who wanted me to strip, a 30 year old man tried to get me to date his friend (the only time I lied and said "I have someone - sorry"). It was utter fun!!!

So, hungover on Saturday but today I'm fine, though I was drinking water but still enjoying myself. It was AWESOME!!! Hope to do it again sometime...

Dear Past Self,

2007-04-12T00:20:00.000Z

I know by now you've just watched Sleepless in Seattle and feeling all loved up, feeling that someday you'll find someone but you so wish it was now. Well, I can't tell you what happens in the future, can't tell you what job you've got now, but all I can say is wait.

Wait and all that stuff you dream of, the romance, the flowers, the dates, the snuggling in front of a sofa cuddling each other, warming each other, sharing each other's laughter and love, is coming soon.

It won't be tomorrow, it might not even be this week, but someday soon, he'll show, you just have to hold in, keep smiling, get on with your projects after projects - they're being noticed. People are reading, people are watching and you'll sit down when you've finally had a chance to breathe and settle down as Mr Right is sleeping beside you to write this letter to you, my past self, to say "it happens".

So go to sleep, you've got work early tomorrow, and things will be just right. Oh, and enjoy Friday! I know you will!

Yours Lovingly,

Your Future Self

I.R.E.L.A.N.D.

2007-04-07T20:44:00.000Z

21st May is known throughout the land as my birthday. As simple as. Yet, this year, like a few past years, I'm off, I'm leaving this mortal world of the UK and travelling. This time I'm off to Ireland.

On a spur of the moment, sod it I'll shove it on the credit card, I'm off to the land where the little people live (any bets they're not so little) to journey and see new sights of Dublin. It's gonna be fun!

I've become the right adventurer this year - London, Manchester, Leeds, not sure if I've missed anything else off, but now Dublin. Makes me feel normal, even though I'm not sure how the heck I'm paying for it, but who cares, I am but young only once and their might be an attractive Irish lad awaiting for me :)

Top of the mornin' to ya!

The Challenge

2007-04-04T20:00:00.000Z

I'm really looking forward to writing Loving Ms Erin, so much so I talked to Erin (the real life one) today about ideas and what she'd love to see in the book, in relation to the World War 2 aspect of it all. But I also have a new idea for a novel forming in the back of my mind.

Second Life is a story of a girl called Lu Bennett. I won't go into too much detail, but it's very contemporary and an original idea, I hope...

I'm tempted to write both of them at the same time to make sure that next year I can start writing Thunderstorm 2. Who knows...?

THUNDERSTORM has arrived

2007-04-03T14:09:00.001Z

Loving Ms Erin

2007-03-31T21:59:00.000Z

With Thunderstorm finished and waiting for the cover to get completed before I can finally get it in print and order several copies for myself, my Mother and any friend who would like to purchase it, I'm finally starting a new one.

Loving Ms Erin will have no spin-off, it's a stand alone "romantic" story. That's what bothers me as its romantic and although I have a romantic bone in my body, I have many actually, I'm the guy who if he could buy you flowers, shower you in compliments, etc. I've never actually done it, done a story like it. I'm kinda worried it will fail or it might even succeed.

It's set in World War 2, which makes it even more harder than Thunderstorm was, that only had a little bit of history to research and it was set in modern day Britain. THIS however is set IN World War 2, which means I have to be precise, can't change details, events, etc.

Sure it's set in a fictious place, with fictious names of people, but the story and surroundings and events I so need to be realistic to allow people to enter the world. It's frightening that I could bodge it up so much and have people moan about it not playing with events at that time.

The good thing is though, it has an ending already. It also has a start and a loosely middle that I can play with. I'm changing it totally, I'm going for the Pride and Prejudice style, even how she wrote her chapters small I'm doing the same, small chapters, not even a new page for a new chapter. Make it totally different and even allow me to write in a different style, more posh, as my friend Emily said "more grownup". I can't wait...

Blonde Life

2007-03-28T00:34:00.000Z

I LOVE IT! I also love that everyone else likes it. A nice colour for me! :D Though cause of the warm and cold weather of late, my skin seems to want to peel and not peel, etc. Not a great thing ;(

Blonde-Day

2007-03-22T23:55:00.000Z

Tomorrow I've finally jumped in the deep end and will be getting my hair blonde. I've done this skin test and they said if it doesn't turn red it should be fine. It's gone blue the test, like a love bite of a bruise, so I'm hoping it should be fine.

Tomorrow... can't wait... oh and my hours are now:

4pm - 10pm weekdays and 3pm - 6pm Saturday. My sister left to let me have her hours... :(

Doomsday

2007-03-08T23:43:00.000Z

Tomorrow is doomsday for me. I officially get told that my hours will be cut from the 30 that I'm already on to the 15 that they want me to do. ACAS say its against my TUPE contract (too many different acronyms already). I can object to sign a new contract but they could just sack me completely in 3 weeks time, which means I might have to find a job before then...

Though tomorrow is also my last day for a week. Next week I'll have it off to make badges, go to London on Thursday to meet Luke and also next Saturday go to a webcomic convention. It's gonna be sweet, but not if I've gotta come back and find a new job :(

So not gonna enjoy that :(

Mrs Dalloway

2007-02-25T01:19:00.000Z

I've just watched the Hours yet again on this miserable day of mine that I've had. I've been seeing this guy that I really like and on our second encounter I decided to tell him about my exs, why they disbanded after one week, how I madly worry when they don't text back and the like and made him think I'm the worst thing going.

Of late, actually for quite some time now, I've been thinking of my life, what is my life? I wake up in the morning and already am hoping for sleep. There is nothing that fills the day more. I close my eyes and I enjoy myself but when I wake up, it's the nightmare of life I enter. Instead of telling anyone this, I meerly smile my way through life ebcause people would think I'm at it again. I always am. My problems seem greater than anyone elses. There's people dying in the world yet I seem that my trivial life, the life I aren't living is more important.

Since I've been with this guy, things have changed. I wake up in the morning and I enjoy the day more. I receive a text and my face smiles. And yet, on our second date, the second is usually the worst for me, I bodge it all up with me worrying and therefore making him worried. If he told his friends, I know what I would suggest to him, to cast him aside, throw him away.

I hope not, I hope he stays with me and my little insecurities, inconsistances. When I'm with him I have fun, I have laughs, I have someone I can speak to that's new in my life, that's different and yet just like me. He holds me and it isn't just him holding me, but it feels like he likes me for me.

He's away this weekend, busy this weekend. He's coming back tomorrow and I so long for a message, a call, something that will make me realise he still does have something for me, he wants to know more about me. I so wish for tomorrow to come and that the smile will be placed upon my face.

My only worry - it won't come at all.

Be Mine

2007-02-15T00:02:00.000Z

Oh and I'm up to 54 people signed up to my project so far...

30 peeps!

2007-02-12T02:02:00.000Z

I've been getting my mind from the gutter and death and blah de blah and I've finally got myself a project I'm happy about. I've called it The Kid's Book Project. Basically the concept is each webcomic artist gets their own page within the story, they can do with it whatever they want, however they can only see the page before theres, nothing more...

Today, about 4-5 days after I finally decided to go ahead with it, on my piece of paper I have 30 artists who have said "yes". Sure I predict that about 10 are gonna turn me down or won't be able to make the deadline, etc. however so far 30 is GREAT. That's roughly how many pages I need to do to begin with, so now any extra are bonuses.

I'm after a few certain people, I always do for projects like this. Aim for certain few peeps who you really want. Hopefully let's see if I can persuade 'em now...

End of the Day

2007-02-09T18:59:00.000Z

To be quite fair to this day, it's one of the shittest. Today I've had to go to one of my cousins funerals. He was one of the only members of my family who I knew was gay, he only found out he was dying a few months ago and it's all been all of a sudden happened. It was a nice funeral, very cheery rather than depressing, how he wanted it I guess. Problem is I can't recall his face, which is bad.

Also today I found out that when (rather than if) my hours are cut, they'll go to 20 hours, meaning I can afford rent + my loan but nothing more, so no food for me... Since the new company has taken over it's been rubbish since, literally. Problem is I don't know what I wanna do beyond it, besides being a BBC Guide, but we all know that's not gonna happen just yet...

And I have a splitting headache. I was looking through gaydar yesterday night and seeing the 40s and 50s and 60 year olds there and thinking, am I gonna be one of those? Single and alone when I get to that age? Is that gonna be, lonely?

To be quite honest I would like to go to sleep and not really wake up anymore...

Mellow Me

2007-02-07T23:32:00.000Z

I'm kinda feeling mellow right now, not too sure why to be honest... I've started up a new project but as such I always hate the waiting stage to see how many people are interested / doing it. I love getting my hands dirty and gearing everyone together.

Plus there's a lack of people online, it just seems to be me in a void. I could be lonely, missing someone to say "hi" or talk to physically. Sometimes writing words, although easier for me, isn't as meaningful. Who knows...

There's a funeral I'm going to on Friday, kinda subdued about that and about work. I've definately given up on it, it's just killing me slowly, hence I do these projects, they make me alive, make me feel like a normal human being.

There was a time when I was in the kitchen, scrubbing away and someone asked me about my books. And I talked and talks and both of the women listened with interest, sure they're reporters and they were probably thinking about their shopping lists for tomorrow, but they generally looked interested and for those 30 minutes it felt like I was a normal person.

People say never to judge yourself by the job, but in society, in everything you do. I don't know what I want to do next as a job. I'd love to make writing books full time, without work they'd definately be no distractions or dulling of my mind, but without work I would never be inspired by someone's comments whilst walking on the stairs, someone interacting with me.

Marcus did a really good introduction for me. It's still being drafted but I read it last night and he's got me off to a tea. He says at work I buzz around like I'm in my own little world and I'm like that always, always buzzing, always imagining. I imagine the future, the hopes, my dreams, everything... if they come true then I'll be happy and content. If they don't... will I ever be the same man as I am now? 50 years of hoping but never receiving? We'll have to see. But I'll definately keep writing, even if I have to publish every single written piece of work on my own money. Someday, sooner or later, people will know of Mike Rouse-Deane, people will walk down the street talking of my name, people will know me for me! Someday!

A bit of February cleaning...

2007-02-04T00:18:00.000Z

...not literally though, my house is neither a mess nor tidy, it's in the middle stages. I was referring mostly to my website, moovok.co.uk. I've finally updated the projects to include both my past stuff like the nude webcomic calendar but also to include Thunderstorm and Confessions of a Cleaner, though I am waiting for my friend to hopefully help me on the background stage.

The glasses I liked both were out of stock so I got some funky ones but not the same I suspect... unfortunately... that cost about £116 which is a lot of moola for me. On Wednesday when I finally get paid I'll be able to afford a wardrobe which I desperate need and then I'll be able to have clothes actually in places rather than all over the place (plus when I get a double bed, I won't need the one underneath it).

Also today I spent the least amount of money on food shopping - £4.09. Yep, since money is tight in my bank account at the moment I decided to raid my cupboards and therefor eat all my stuff that I've left behind. Might be nice this week to shed a few pounds, even though I am 9 stone 13 pounds, something like that....

Glasses Fantastic

2007-02-01T23:22:00.000Z

My glasses have been wobbly of recent so I knew something was not quite right with them and I was right. Today before even getting into the doors of Specsavers they finally broke in such a fashion that Specsavers said they wouldn't do ANYTHING for me, except make me spend £70 for the same frames to fit in the lenses.

However, for £99 and an eyetest of £17 I could get buy one get one free glasses. So tomorrow I'm going to get my eyes tested, but it's the cost. I've delved into my savings which I didn't really want to, but they are important, already got a headache from not being able to wear them.

Luckily the BBC Engineers are absolute gems of people who kindly glued my glasses so they somewhat hang off my face and are wearable until... I get my new glasses. I hope they don't take long...

I'm really after these frames, they look kinda funky! Not sure what they'll look like in the shop when I try them on later tomorrow, but... we shall see I suspect. Just don't really want them to blow air into my eyes, I'm not looking forward to getting old and having that happen. So what do you think? Good huh??? Make me sexy? And no, I'm not having contacts!! :P

Final Day

2007-01-31T22:06:00.000Z

It's finally the last day at being at 17 and I'm glad. The net and computer over here are awful, it keeps logging off every so often so I have to restart, but then it won't restart so... I have to switch it off. And they're computer is supposidly better than mine is.

I can't wait for tomorrow, I get to finally relax, go back home and sleep on my own bed. I'm also hoping that Friday might be nice, who knows... we'll see...

That's about it. Thank god it's the last day at 17!!!! :D

House Sitting

2007-01-28T17:24:00.000Z

At the moment I'm currently staying the night and spending it alone at 17, my old home where I grew up for 23 years. Feels weird being there, on my own, just me and my cat spending some quality time together. Though the internet connection SUCKS big time. It keeps disconnecting and it's supposidly the same modem as the one over at my home.

I did a few things I'm not sure about. I met up with an ex and spent the night. Whether it's wrong or not, I'm not sure. I'm seeing how it goes with him, who knows... I'm meeting up on Tuesday to go to cinema, which will be interesting. I'm trying not to think of this anymore as just a bit of fun, because I'm worried I might and it'll end badly again for me...

Apart from that, I'm worrying about money. By the 7th February I should be fine, it's just getting to that point... and surviving!!! I have tons of food at 17 to help me through it though, and this week it's just Peanut Butter sandwiches - YUMMY!!!!

Manchester - take 2

2007-01-21T08:15:00.000Z

I've been to Manchester before and to be honest that didn't turn out very well. I was stood up as it were, left for all to see and had to find accomodation as well. Luckily today I go for just one day but I'm still nervous. I always am. I'm scared it might happen again, or I'll go and make a right idiot of myself.

I wish I could do the whole getting to know people better. Is it me? If this ends badly, is it my fault? Something I do? Something I've done? If I'm too extreme, people disappear. If I cut back, they think I'm not interested. I can't seem to get the right balance.

So wish me luck, cause I'm on my way... again...

Dude where's my love?

2007-01-16T01:38:00.000Z

I'm sobbing like a baby after watching the Notebook. I've always wanted to see it and my good friend Chloe lent me it of late telling me I'd need some tissues for the end. Usually I'm okay with films, it has to be good to promote a reaction but tonight I had things floating around in my head as well, so it could have been that.

It's something soppy, a romantic film about love. Marcus tells me that I watch too many American films about it. I still believe, though today it has faded slightly my hopes, my dreams, love in particular. I'm no longer enjoying my job, I'm no longer enjoying my life and of late romance has been somewhat dead or any chance of it disappears like a snowflake dripping onto my face and melting. For those precious seconds I have it, I enjoy it and then it disappears and I'm still there, standing there, hoping for another.

I've wanted love for quite some time. I've fallen for many, I'm still yet to find one that returns it. Who knows, that person might be around the corner or may be far away, but I'll still be searching and I'll still hit these bumps in the road. But for now... I keep on going... cause I wanna find that maybe I was right in continuing on...

Twas the first night out after New Year

2007-01-13T18:45:00.000Z

Yep, it's finally come around. My first actual night out with the folks from the BBC. Can't utterly wait, though with these things I'm normally not sure whether or not I'm gonna enjoy myself. Some that I think I won't I do. Others I think I will and I don't, so... we'll see I suspect...

It should be fun though. Steph was very excited about me going and I haven't really had chance to drink with Steph so... be nice to catch up with the sexy minx that she is. Though I'm not gonna get too drunk, though I have bought a lot of new things to do out in...

My money ain't too bad. Gonna go to Manchester next weekend, Sunday, just for a meetup with a friend... so apart from that, New Year starts here!!!

Happy 2007!!!

2007-01-01T00:17:00.000Z

Well, 2007 is now upon us so what's gonna happen this year? Well, I'm down with flu once again, been really bad today but hopefully I'll lose it all and become better again... hopefully...

Though this year maybe love is on the cards... a new job possibly... a few more books coming out from me... (that means I have to get off my ass though). Hopefully all of these will happen and that I'll have a somewhat better life! Here's hoping!

So everyone out there have a wonderful New Year. 2007 is upon us!!!

Christmas Gone

2006-12-27T18:59:00.000Z

Well, Christmas has come and gone and like always I'm left with tons of food, tons of wrapping paper that I have to dispose of and tons of junk all over the house. I'm so tidying up tomorrow, that's hopefully if I don't go out tonight. I've become a party animal, been out on Christmas Day, Boxing Day, I think tonight I may rest from drinking vodka.

But it's been nice I must admit. My sister got me an awesome present of an iPod Nano, it's funky. So, although I got my CD Player when I went down to London to work at the Virgin Megastores down there, that was about 3-4 years ago, it's never done me wrong. Alas, my headphones usually do. So now I'll be saying goodbye to it, in some respects... *sniff* :) But I can now store tons of songs on my iPod, question is which...

Got tons of DVDs, though I have spied a new phone that I really want. It's been a while since I got my last phone, this one is an Sony Ericsson w300i. It has a camera that I can connect to my computer so I can transfer photos, which is what I really REALLY want now. I also need more CKone stuff, though both Emily and Linda got me some FCUK stuff so I may smell that and see what it's like... who knows...

But 2007 is a new life for me, definately! I'm gonna be changing mostly everything. I want to learn how to play my guitar finally!! I'm gonna find a new job (alas cleaning is definately not for me) AND I want to get 3 books out - Twisted Tales Of, Thunderstorm and Waning Moon (by a proper publisher hopefully). So... New Year, New Life, New Things!!! :D

Dear Santa...

2006-12-20T01:05:00.000Z

I know this sounds stupid, me being 23 and all, but for the past few days I've been pondering it and I finally, after watching the Santa Clause 2, I did it. I wrote a letter to Santa Claus that I'm gonna post tomorrow.

It details only one thing I really truely want, one thing that nobody knows I want and in some strange way I'm hoping that it'll get answered, that the real Santa Claus out there (and there is one) will somehow get it and read it and maybe make it true, if it's in his power.

I haven't been greedy, I wouldn't be that bad, I've only asked for one thing but it's a major thing for me, so who knows... I'm hoping the big guy can squeeze me in at this late notice and produce a Christmas miracle for me :) Here's hoping huh? Tis the season and all...

End of a Guide...

2006-12-19T21:52:00.000Z

Well, not really, only for this year. I went for a job interview (or a BBC Board as they call it) today for a BBC Guide's position. Been wanting it for a while, gone up for it 3 times, been "boarded" twice now, so I had at least one under my belt when I did it today.

Alas, I didn't get it. My good friend Chloe got it which I'm glad someone got it, well, someone I know anyway. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit miffed, but... well, at least I can try again next year and also I'm having some shadowing in the Open Center as well, so that might help next time round...

Also tonight I was a BBC Guide for at least an hour, really. I helped people online, sorted stuff out, even took snaps with the BBC camera. It was quite fun, only thing I didn't do was pick up the phone (only cause they had it on night service anyway and there were carol singers in). So it's like I got told "no" to be a Guide but tonight I was exactly that. Shame I don't get the wages though, I do it out of the goodness of my own heart ;) hehe

Love is Wind. Maybe you can't see it but always you can feel it

2006-12-17T23:20:00.000Z

There is a lot of things about belief of late that seem to spin around the air like thoughts and bubbles. Belief is a hard thing for some, an easy thing for others. I was once a person who had to see it to believe, well, when I got older I guess...

As a child you alawys believe everything, though my Mum always says I asked tons of questions. I believed in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, the monsters that creep underneath your bed at night. So why do we grow out of things because we can't see or touch or feel them?

I always keep my child-like quality. Sometimes it's a good thing, but in the adult world it's usually a bad thing. You can't kid around being older than anyone else. At Scouts I'm the grumpy Leader who makes sure you do things right, but really I want to be messing around, running around, being a kid again. Why do we have to grow up?

Anyway, back to belief. Love, a friend of mine says you can not feel love or know love unless you know somebody and that I'm living in a Hollywood movie because I believe in love at first sight, love sickness, etc. Look at Stu, I felt in love, he broke my heart, was it lust as my friend said or... was it truely love on my part? Gemini's seem to go towards love a lot and I crave for it, I truely hope to find not only another person to love but one that loves me in return. Is he or she out there?? Well, I can just believe... and maybe hope...

No need to brag...

2006-12-16T12:40:00.000Z

With or Without You?

2006-12-10T23:52:00.000Z

SADs

2006-12-05T21:24:00.000Z

I'm not sure if I have it. Usually I'm quite good with Christmas, I love it, I never get really depressed but this year, well, today, I have. It could be work, the fact I'm back after that nice long two week break, it might be I'm stressing myself out over the fact that I'm running around making sure everything's tidy, everything's done, and I'm sure I'm catching myself up as I keep seeing myself.

Maybe it's also the fact that this year I experienced what it's like to be with someone. Other years I've not only been at home for Christmas but I've never known what it's like to have someone, to be connected, to feel love (or lust, whatever you guys say I think it was love in my heart). And they always say that when you experience it and lose it, it's hard coping without it.

I put in a wish, one of those Cosmic Order things, that by New Years Eve I'd have someone, I'd be with someone. Even if it's just someone to kiss when they count down from 5 to 1, so I can say that I was with someone, I kissed someone on New Years Day and I started with someone being with me, when usually I start on my own, outside, alone...

Christmas Fun & It's All Over!

2006-12-02T00:40:00.000Z

I'm being silly, bored and spare baubles, so what else better to do? Well, those photos are obviously not available for your eyes, but you get some selotape and tape them near your nipples, only to realise after ripping them off how painful it is!!!!

And finally it's my last day off work, Monday I'm back to the grind stone that is toilets, doors, binbags and the rest. Woohoo! Can't honestly wait!!! (that's sarcasm) I've really enjoyed my time off, but got naff all done... ooo... I'm on radio now... *goes to listen*

Stop Picking On Danny

2006-12-01T13:39:00.000Z

DeVito that is. He supposidly went onto this talk show in the States and was pissed as a hatter. He had spent the night drinking with George Clooney and went on this talk show and he was slightly still under the influence and people are condeming him almost.

Jeez, he was probably having a celebratory drink(s) with a pal, he had to do this press junket thing and he did it and fine he was drunk but he wasn't really nasty about it, he was a funny drunk and I think the clip of what I saw was quite nice. Stop picking on Danny DeVito I say!!! Heck, there's people I know who go to work still pissed as a hatter, they do their job, so why can't Danny?

But anyway onto better things - 1st December, Christmas starts here, I can't bloody wait!!! YAY!!!

Wiggle, Jiggle

2006-11-29T20:41:00.000Z

http://www.iloveegg.com/egg_english.htm

How much do you like eggs?

Slightly Envious

2006-11-27T02:11:00.000Z

My friend from Scouts, Martin, is currently all the way in South America doing volunteer work and I have to say I'm envious. He's one year older than me and he's seeing more of the world than I am sat here behind this computer.

He's keeping us all up to date on his blog and even though he's drinking spit (well, it's not just spit, it's one ingredient in this fermented maize) and having bizarre situations where nobody speaks the language, I really wish it was me.

What am I gonna do next year? Sit on my arse and worry about money? I can't leave home cause then what would Emma do? How would she cope? She'd have to find a place to stay and I'd have to find a place for all my stuff to be stored whilst I travel and I can't do that. I should have done it in my youth, but I was too shy...

I need a holiday...

Competition to end all Competitions!

2006-11-27T00:30:00.000Z

Literally, well, only for a month probably (since January I'd like to use my money to pay off some bills rather than shipping competition prizes all over the place). Yes, on Friday I shall be doing a huge competition of 12 different prize bundles each one going to 12 different people around the globe, well, I'm hoping shipping wise America (since we currently have a weight & size issue over here in the UK, it's somewhat cheaper shipping elsewhere).

So far the prizes are:

* A guest-star role in a webcomic (to be named on the day)
* All my badges I've collected, they're going
* Self-portraits of the artists from Lancaster (Ali, Jon and James)
* Tastefully Done Calendar
* A painting...

and tons more... there's 12 prize bundles, so they're all hopefully what people want for Christmas or at least a prize worth having. I know the guest-star role in a webcomic will definately be the one EVERYONE wants, so... we'll see...

ONE MONTH TO GO...

2006-11-24T15:31:00.000Z

Yep, Christmas is only one month exactly until that big guy with a white beard comes down your chimney. Alas I have no chimney, so I'm slightly worried how he's gonna get in personally... maybe he has a key to open all houses... it's a possibility... and maybe he can click his fingers and turn off alarms and stuff... that would be sweet..

I'm already in the middle of my Christmas presents. I would list them but people read this blog (I know, it's a shock to my system as well) and I wouldn't want to spoil their surprises. I do however have a list, that I always write every year, with names of people and what I'm going to get them. Let's just say my sister I'm sorted with, however I need to buy her the gifts. My Mum is half way but I'm struggling to think of what to get her next. My friend Marcus is complete. Have to figure out Zoe's present, what to get her... and the rest just fills in as I go along.

Oh and Linda is almost done, just got one more gift and that should be it! :D Can't wait to get paid next Wednesday, then I can buy the rest of the stuff and that should be it! All done and dusted! :D

Thunder Is Beginning...

2006-11-23T21:56:00.000Z

Tomorrow I'm gonna stay at home, sort it out but also write some more on Thunderstorm. Today I sent out tons of Christmas cards to people I honestly don't know, some with badges, most without, just saying Merry Christmas, I wonder if I'll get any back... doubtful...

Cost me £12 for it all including a prize. God why do I give prizes away? I should make the winner's pay for shipping since it's usually a god damn American who wins it. Bring on the Brits hopefully next month in my Christmas competition that will definately criple my wallet... :(

Though tomorrow I can't wait. I want to get at least up to chapter 5 or 6 of Thunderstorm so it's almost half way through :) We'll see...

Christmas Movies THIS YEAR!!!

2006-11-21T21:15:00.000Z

Usually we get one movie about Christmas, which is fine cause that usually means the year after I can get it on DVD and the more the merrier. This year I'm dazzled with the amount (well, more than one so...)

Deck the Halls - starring Danny DeVito and Matthew Broderick. Sure it's two father's waring together to get the best Christmas lights, but who cares, it looks fun and festive!!!

Santa Clause 3 - sure the 2nd one wasn't as good as the 1st, but it was festive, it was a romp and it was utter superb! Can't wait for the third, which includes Martin Short (who's usually good)

The Holiday - kinda Christmassy romantic thingy... I saw snow in the trailer so it's a possibility, but anyway I like Romantic Comedies so... will get it whether or not

Black Christmas - though I did wish this was a good old festive cheer, instead it's a horror flick. Also kinda iffy with remakes, probably won't see this... my cheer may disappear...

I'm Off!

2006-11-19T21:37:00.000Z

Well, luckily not smelling cause I do have the odd occasional shower where I smell utterly devine (and I have my CKone as well), so I'm utterly a babe-magnet in that region, but I'm off for 2 weeks from work, that means no cleaning, no scrubbing, no listening to annoying complaints from people and not having to scrub shit. For 2 weeks I won't be doing the same shit just a different day, I shall be infact doing different shit on a totally fantastic different day.

I shall be typing up my stories for book 2, Twisted Tales. I shall be finishing off Thunderstorm, I shall be going out in the day and maybe taking photos and who knows... I may go visit somewhere... who knows... :)

By the way, went to see Casino Royale, it rocked my socks off. Was disappointed with the new style of titles and how it's arranged but... it may grow on me... like with Daniel Craig I may grow to like him but he's definately a more edgier and new Bond that's for sure... and is it me or is Moneypenny now male...?

The name's Rouse-Deane, Mike Rouse-Deane

2006-11-13T22:25:00.000Z

I'm listening to the new James Bond soundtrack and I'm just on the first song (lasted long enough) and it's bloody good... can't wait to see the film, that's out this week and next week I'm on holiday meaning I can go and see it during the day or night or whenever and not have to worry about work - woot!!!

Also my new calendar has finally arrived and for my Webcomics in Print competition I've got a few more things that people have said they'd donate to, so whoop!

I've always wanted to be James Bond, I'm a HUGE fan, got all the DVDs, it's a good British institute. I was unsure about the new one, he just didn't sound right, etc. in the teaser trailer but the theatrical one got me going "WHOA!" so... we'll see...

Woot, Whoop and Whoa all in one post - wicked!

It's about love, actually..

2006-11-12T01:00:00.000Z

What can I say, Christmas brings out the love in me. Well, any day of the week brings out the love in me. I'm the hopeless gay romantic of the 21st Century. Supposidly 92% of gay relationships never last 2 years, so what luck do I have in this sheer world like that...? Probably none whatsoever, however on Tuesdays I, Mike Rouse-Deane, shall be having my first real date with a guy.

I've only seen one picture (and visa versa), never heard his voice, spoken to him for 2 hours on MSN and met him at gaydar.co.uk but I'm meeting him up this Tuesday at 7:45pm and I'm nervous as hell... but also slightly excited by the whole experience. What if it turns into something great or what if he doesn't do it for me.

We'll soon see... but I'm excited and fused with love running through my veins. I want to enjoy it, I haven't been out like this in ages and if the worst case scenario happens, at least I should have some pleasant company (he laughs at my jokes). Who knows... maybe 2006 will end happy for one Mike Rouse-Deane

Battlestar

2006-11-07T01:13:00.000Z

Been watching the second series of Battlestar Galactica on DVD finally after missing it on Sky One when it was on. It's bloody good, awesome infact, showing what I always wanted to do with my stories, tell the darker, more grittier side of life in this world we live.

Somedays it makes me wanna get on this computer and write, or rewrite, my Urayon short stories. Then I wanna start an RPG, I wanna finish Waning Moon, I wanna type up all my stories for my second short story book. Tons of projects I still have to do, and I'll do them, I have time :)

Thunderstorm though is my priority this month. Publish it via lulu.com and since that's free to publish, I won't ask for any money back, might even donate it to charity instead. Got till the end of this month and I still just finished chapter 2. I have to figure out the end - how does Patrick Noon escape from Russia???

Aspice, officio fungeris sine spe honoris amplioris

2006-11-04T22:14:00.000Z

Indeed :)

Flying South

2006-11-01T22:49:00.000Z

Neil reminded me what I miss of late, someone to just cuddle in bed. Sure I had a relationship for a meer pittance of a time, two weeks, though it was like a Big Brother house, we saw each other for quite a long period within that week and a bit. First time we slept together it felt like months had gone by, not days. But I seriously am missing someone by my side to cuddle me on a night or to cuddle.

There's definately no men flocking my way. I think they've all gone south for the winter or something. I wish I had gone with them, I suspect I could be warming by the fire, a head laying on my legs as we lay on the sofa watching movies and then we'd go upstairs and snuggle in bed together and then he'd lay his hand on my stomach, rub it softly and then say "good night" to me.

Damn those people in the south! We need men up here!!! Everyone says one day, others say remember the song "can't hurry love, no you just have to wait.." if I remember it continues to say "life won't come easy, it's a game of give and take." I've given a lot... I wish I could take something instead :(

Not Long Left For...

2006-10-31T11:53:00.000Z

Christmas. I want to be prepared this year, know what I'm getting people but I have a feeling I won't know... this Christmas will be weird in my own home. Exciting, but weird.

I will definately have my normal ritual of watching Christmas films, so far I have for my 24 films for 24 days of Christmas are:

1) Santa Clause 1
2) Santa Clause 2
3) Home Alone 1
4) Home Alone 2
5) The Santa Claus Movie
6) Miracle on 34th Street
7) Scrooged
8) Christmas with the Kranks - unwatched...
9) Elf
10) Grinch
EDIT:
11) Nightmare Before Christmas
12) Jack Frost - unwatched...
13) Muppet's Christmas Carol - unwatched...

I hope to buy a few more, cause I really would like a good old fashioned Christmas sitting and watching 'em all :)

A Little Bit Of Love

2006-10-30T02:14:00.000Z

I guess I have a little confession to make to you all. I love romantic films. I guess I always have done. A hopeless romantic I've always been, where two people exchange roses, they love each other, they get together when the whole world is against them, brings almost tears to my eyes.

I finally rewatched "You've Got Mail" on video of all things at my old home and wondered if tomorrow I would madly fall in love with someone. If someone out there on the net was destined to be with me, to fall for me only for the use of my posh and fancy words, how I'm just like Meg Ryan (though without the female looks nor charm). How I can write what I want but can never say it. How I ponder what I should have said in situations where all I go is "yes" rather than "no", and if I do say something I regret it moments later, always pondering other possibilities. What if I had said it that way or this way?

Tonight I shall go to bed, not my own and not a lover's either. I shall go to bed, alone with a possibility of my cat, Charcoal, to join me and I shall dream sweet dreams of a person, my dream date, telling me exactly what I want to hear, dining me, making me laugh, holding me when I cry and being with me for the rest of my life.

And tomorrow, I shall wake up and maybe it will become a reality, or maybe I will only see them in passing on a train or bus or car or at work whilst I scrub my many toilets or polish the many steel handles or leaflet holders. But tonight I dream of my little bit of love. Tonight they're all mine :)

G'night people. Hope your dreams are as wonderful as mine.

x

Groaning in the Bathroom

2006-10-29T23:52:00.000Z

Mum has gone away (with my father) so she's asked me to look after the house. It's only one night and to check tomorrow, but it gives me the chance that I've been missing since March and moving out of this place. I get to have a shower standing up. Not only that but with the use of both of my hands.

God it felt good, it felt amazing! It sounds stupid I guess, thinking of such things as brilliant but it felt awesome, I was groaning almost, it was THAT good :) I finally feel clean and not having to kneel on the bath bottom and shower myself holding it and trying to fiddle with the knobs. Bliss!

Also, I finally get to spend a night with my cat who I'm sure has sorely missed me since March. Sure I see him on Saturday when I come round to visit Mum, but... we both miss each other. I so wish I could afford to keep him at my place, it would be nice. I'd also love to afford to have a proper shower fitted... oh well... who knows what's around the corner?!?!?!?

Feeling Alive...

2006-10-23T21:33:00.000Z

I feel alive again. It wasn't work, it wasn't the joke Richard sent to cheer me up, it wasn't the fact that someone called me "hot". It wasn't talking to anyone, it was sitting with the Guides and playing a game of Movie ABC where you all name a movie beginning with A, then B and so on.

It sounds stupid really, a stupid simple game, but I felt more alive, more different than anything throughout the whole day. It was definately weird. This one situation made me feel wanted and alive.

I doubt tomorrow they'll be another game, but I really enjoyed today after the game, made me feel different about myself. See how Day 2 works out :) Also have to figure out money for this event in Lancaster, how much am I gonna take?

Finished!

2006-10-22T21:59:00.000Z

I'd be quite happy if the world swallowed me whole. I've done everything I can in this world. Maybe it's because Stu, my ex who I've mentioned way before, messaged me the other day after I've gotten over him and out of the blue apologised for his actions on his last day.

It could be that this guy I like seems to have a vengeful streak, though he's dating someone and I'd never have a chance with him. It could be that life is pointless, or seems it. I'm a small cog in a very large machine and although those Navy adverts say who wants to be a cog, I don't anymore.

Though I have a feeling tonight the world won't cave in, I'll survive until morning, be slightly cherpier but... life will go on...

It's Here and It's Nude!

2006-10-14T10:24:00.000Z

It has arrived! The calendar to end all calendars (well, especially for 2007). It takes 9 days from shipping to actually arriving on my doorstep, though I worry that with Christmas postage it might take a bit longer, possibly... but it still looks absolutely AWESOME doesn't it?!?!?!

What was that? You wanna see inside, well don't you all :P You're just gonna have to purchase one when I have it ready and available (there's still 4 more artists to contribute) but it has the likes of Ali Graham, Pontus Madsen, Gordon McAlpin and many many more that I'm all dazzled and happy about!

And also, my friend Bryan Chojnowski has given me an awesome wallpaper from one of his just random images he keeps on showing me which are superb in quality! Have a look at my awesome wallpaper!!!

Thunderstorm

2006-10-09T23:27:00.000Z

Thunderstorm is turning out brilliant (well, I like it so far). It's about a guy called Patrick Noon who unfortunately gets flung into a whole new world after his father is killed by a car accident. Although I'm only getting into chapter one, I already have chapters 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 in my head.

I also know roughly how it will end. It'll probably be a very small novel, but I'm not into writing a huge one of yet, especially with the Patrick Noon character, this is more of a "coming into" the character I want him to become, more like Batman Begins (before the Batsuit).

It's interesting, I'm writing a Russian character, it's awesome!!! Also, I'm using real people as real characters, something I haven't done for a bit. It's weird using them, but also fun! :D I'm LOVING this project at the moment (and doing the nude webcomic calendar as well is funky)

EDIT: Chapter One completed :D yay!

I LOVE too much...

2006-10-02T23:58:00.000Z

Just finished watching the brilliant Julia Roberts in "Dying Young". A great movie, she sparkles in it, it's touching, it's moving and it's about love, something Julia does well, she melts my heart and all through the movie I thought of a special someone I'd wish was spending it with me.

I don't know... I fall in love too easily and my heart is always broken by people, my heart is always torn away... recently Stu did a blog about he was missing someone he loved and some part of me wished it was me he was speaking about, but another part realised it wasn't, he never loved me, he probably never did, but I did.

And now there's a new guy in my heart, a new guy who can smile at me and he melts my heart. I've never met him and he already melts it, just like Julia with her smile. But I know he probably doesn't feel the same either, and I'm not gonna push it, nor say anything, he's young, I'm not. I'm old, I'm turning grey and I know it sounds morbid of me, but I think that I'll probably die young on this Earth.

It's a feeling... probably just me, you know how paranoid I am. I think the worst and the best and mix it up. I wanna meet him, I wanna give him a big old hug and tell him that his smile melts my heart but... I have to get it into my head that maybe it will never happen... that maybe I am to spend my life looking for love but never finding it...

Who knows... they say there's someone out there for everyone... my someone's just looking for me... there's just a part of me that hopes that my search is over and I've found him. Who knows...

I've started writing Thunderstorm and I'm gonna try my damnest to get it written, to get it published, to get it out! I'm gonna god damn try! Cause I need to, I want to, and I hope to.

Manchester

2006-09-30T22:12:00.000Z

Well I survived the trip though for some reason I was ill from the train journey, I guess I got motion sickness (or it was the two Coronation Chicken Sandwiches I had on Friday for my lunch - hey I got paid so sue me!)

Manchester was okay, visited a lot of places, but the problem was I got quite bored, quite bored indeed. It's mostly a place to do with someone else rather than just one person on their own. I wish someone was with me, but hey, he had to go home and I understand that I guess...

So I went and watched a film, Children of Men. Loved it, great film, on the edge of my seat and I loved how the film was shot, very one shot and steady cam, very good indeed!!! Also the ending was good, I enjoyed it anyway...

So tonight I have to sleep in a bed with 8 other people (well, not in the same bed of course). That's gonna be weird but... I'm thinking of it as an experience and I'm used to Scout Camp so... this is just a comfy version with strangers...

Just hope I don't miss my train...

I HATE Mondays!

2006-09-25T21:03:00.000Z

It's been kinda a shite day today. Got woken up to go in early, which I'm okay about, but I had the worst headache ever - which people assume is a hangover when I haven't touched a drop of alcohol since the weekend that Luke left, the weekend I got ill and dying.

I wake up to find that my friend in Manchester might not be able to meet me on the 30th like he said he could, so I've got ticket to go down there and spend the night, but no place to actually spend the night.

And to top this all off I got some more bad news. It's just one of those days I suspect, just one of those days...

Thing No More...

2006-09-18T22:07:00.000Z

The UK Webcomix Thing down in London every March was an easy event to get to for me, since there is a train straight to London from Hull. Wicked or what? Alas, this year I went to it seems to be the last. Problem is, since I know a lot of UK Webcomic artists, they're all suggesting I do it, even though I live like 3 hours train journey away from London.

Me being the sad person (and after 5 people haev said "you'd be perfect for it" and my friend in London saying he'd help) I'm considering it. I need brain surgery. It's gonna cost a huge arm and a leg to get it going, before I even get any money coming in. I'm already £1,000 in debt for my button badge machine that still hasn't made me even yet, though I haven't been pushing it that well...

It's gonna be expensive, I'm not gonna be able to afford it, I'm honestly not gonna be able to do it, it's in a city I haven't a clue at where anything is, let alone organise an event in it, the capital city. I just can't honestly do it... can I?

Why Does Illness Make You Wanna Die?

2006-09-17T22:57:00.000Z

I don't know, it could be me, but why does pain, why does having illness like flu (which seems so trivial in the whole scheme of illnesses, it's at the bottom probably) make you feel so like life is worthless, life is meaningless, why should you live?

This morning I could have screamed out to end it all, to stop the pain, stop everything. Then the pain overcame me and I was out like a count, couldn't even remember falling asleep as I lay half way out of my door and in the hallway of the stairs and then I woke up feeling right as rain. Now... I feel as if I just don't care anymore.

Sure I'm gonna go on with life, but sometimes illnesses just take it out of you, like you've been beaten to a pulp and really all you wanna do is hold up your hands to the sky and say "it's over, I'm done". Maybe it's cause my life isn't great as is, sure nobody's life is perfect, but... I just wish somedays it was over.

Don't worry folks, I'll probably be okay tomorrow but tonight, I just don't see why...

9/11 - The Update

2006-09-11T17:14:00.000Z

Well, today I'm ill. Man flu which is usually bad for us men, for women it's fine cause women have that tolerance of pain that us men don't seem to have. Been in my PJs all day, got some tablets which seem to be working a treat, so tomorrow back to work, but today I've had it off. Had to go into town though to pay off my Mastercard but met Dan from Big Brother which was kinda nice, he always is nice to chat to, even if it's brief. One day I'm gonna have to meet up and just have a coffee, though I'd never know what to say to him.

My Webcomic Calendar is coming along. I know I've probably not mentioned it fully on here, but I'm doing a nude calendar for Cancer Research (one of my two charities I usually tend to give to, baring homeless people on the street). It's basically having nude webcomic characters within it and it's gonna be bloody cool, already got two of the 13 images for the calendar. Can't wait to see the rest.

My Pirates comic I'm doing is coming along. I've storyboarded about 14 pages for my first 24 page chapter and have a few chapters running in my mind. I've still gotta type up Twisted Tales but I will! Also my sister Emma got me a smoothie maker today so we went out for fruit, she bought all of it and we experimented with chocolate icecream, milk and a little tiny bit of mint icecream. Was okay, but I'm not a real choco holic like her, but she loved it. I might make some strawberry type concoction tonight, before she comes back.

Got a lot to do, so little time left and today's 9/11 which I only cottoned on until early hours of this morning when I was near the toilet bowl. At least tonight with these tablets I should fall sound asleep - sleep - can't wait!

Missing and Dead

2006-09-05T12:07:00.000Z

That's the working title at the moment for this idea I had last post. What if you had to collect cards, each card either gave you a clue to the murder, money (to spend of course), an object or item you may require or a piece of a map. The first season would be about a missing person, a Professor, who's just suddenly disappeared and you're the Detective who's just started in the town, therefore you don't know the place, therefore you need pieces of the map.

When you collect the cards and solve the puzzles on them, you automatically get a piece of the map. If you get a certain bit of the map, they'll uncover red glowing dots which you can visit. (Some places won't be able to visit straight away, maybe not at all, but they could be crucial later in the plot). When you click these red dots, you'll be put into a Flash thing where you can explore the room, of course not taking anything with you. You can delve into the Professor's home, the Professor's office at the university and the like.

You'll get to meet characters (or maybe collect character cards which allows you the opportunity to delve into their background as such). ALSO every now and again they'll be an "Interrogation" chatroom session, in which tons of people will be able to sit in on an interrogation. They'll be allowed to submit questions to ask the character sitting in the hot seat as it where, and they'll be asked it in a police interview for only one hour. Of course people who miss it will be able to see the transcript from it all, so they can delve into it, see if that guy/gal is guilty or not or knows of the whereabouts.

A pack of cards will cost £1 for 10, that's about 10p per card, which isn't that bad. They'll also be an online newspaper for the town, almost like the Lost sites, there's a different site for different things, so you'll be able to visit the newspaper like with some online newspapers and view certain articles. For certain character's cards you'll be able to ask them questions, specific ones, in a flash like scenario (or not, maybe just the character standing there).

It's a whole town that needs to be populated and you're just a new Detective put on this big enough case. That's what I have so far... I've already got an idea of how season 1 will pan out, having at least 2-3 sets of cards appear (each set will have new map places, positions, etc.) Whatcha think people?

Ideas... ideas... ideas...

2006-09-03T23:18:00.000Z

Ideas are often where I usually start. It's been ages since I finally wrapped up writing the last of the stories for book 2 and its taken me about a month to actually rest my brain into complex scenarios and such like. I've been helping a friend out on some of his story ideas for a future *removed because heck if I told ya, I'd have to bloody kill ya*

Ideas are usually my best friend. I have tons of them, all racing across my bow. Webcomics in Print, my books, Webcomic Experiment (you'll find that out next year), the Webcomic Calendar I seem to be just about getting almost ready, Movie Club, Webcomics Bitesize (sure I'm a webcomic fanatic at the moment) which is a mag, Pirates my first comic, Thunderstorm - an exclusive for you guys reading this it's the name of my novel which I'm gonna be writing in just ONE MONTH starting next month.

Ideas are key, so when I bought a DVD and it arrived and inside was a card from Perplex City, it took me two days to sit down and ponder it and ponder I did before finally thinking I had the right answer, signed up, logged on and got it correct. I'm no puzzle solver, I can do a good game of chess by jove but... puzzle solver I am not, but I'm intregued by it, the cards, the missing cube, this whole storyline, even a wiki detailing everything which brings me to this - the idea!

It'll be a huge project, heck Movie Club is a huge project, but this is totally huge, needs tons of help and needs more structure to it. Can a murder mystery be done via online, offline (in the form of special cards, newspapers, things like that), clues to try to let people reveal the identity of the killer. Perplex City has the idea of puzzles and therefore solving puzzles = points, points = clues, clues = closer to the location of this missing cube. However, I don't want puzzles, I want clues.

People won't search for clues without a prize, a reward, a light at the end of the tunnel which means if I go for this, this means I have to give them something to reach for (or they could just do it for unique pleasure but that means I can't sell stuff, cause it'll feel wrong). Anyway, an entire city, people, places, locations, made up to do this, a murder mystery, clues, red herrins, blood splatter patterns. It's a huge ordeal, a huge undertaking, a huge idea. One for the drawing board, indeed it is. Will it be done??? I need more planning...

PS. The BBC are looking for new Guides. I'm gonna go for the position. If I get it, it's an increase in pay, less worry like I have now and okay it ends in March which means I'll have to have another interview and impress them (if I get it) but... cleaning and me are not enjoying each others company. Cleaning is starting to smell, so I'm gonna try to get up from this table and maybe go to the Guides table, they smell better. Who knows... I'll keep ya posted. Gotta get my CV in first..

The Future...? Part One...?

2006-08-29T22:04:00.000Z

I just watched Lost and I'm always one for romantic endeavours like Rose and Bernard. They're soul mates, they're so in love and they only got married after 5 months. It's so sweet and so happy that I wondered what my life would become.

I've always been the romantic kinda guy, the one who plans early for presents, who listens to people, who always wishes that one day on Valentine's Day he'll have someone to buy a proper rose, a proper box of chocolates and a proper Valentine's card and actually get one in return from that same person. I know it's kinda soppy but that's what I want my future to be.

I want to get married. I'd like to propose on bended knee to my future love, to look them in the eye and say these words. "I've dreamed of this day since forever. I've dreamed of you coming into my life and making me happy. You've done that, you've done it whenever you've spoken to me, whenever you've seen me, you make me smile, you make me laugh, you make me me. I don't want to lose you and I never want to. So *goes on bended knee* will you do me the honour of becoming part of my life forever?"

I guess it'll change or vary, the heat of the moment and as everyone knows I never say what I truely mean, I'm better at writing it down than expressing it in words. But I'd love to do that, I'd love them to smile at me and I'd love the answer to be only one word - "yes".

Back To Normality

2006-08-28T16:03:00.000Z

Whether that's what you call it - normality. My life isn't really normal, nor any such fun. I guess the most fun I had was at Scout Camp and I even cried on it (heck of a long and probably stupid story I guess - I just let things get to me). I guess when you've had a holiday you just don't wanna go back.

Back to cleaning up after people, getting told the person who replaced you is probably doing a better job than you. I really really want to know where my life is going, what path it's on so I can see what my future will become. I keep hugging my rock that a friend got me because I know it's all I need cause I'll probably never find that special someone.

I've got so many projects in my head I'm bursting with them. I need to get down to writing up all my book 2 stories and getting them collected into one book. I also need to sit down and look through Waning Moon with Nita. I also want to write a novel, a quick novel, before the end of the year, just to see if I can and I wanna start writing again since I've just stopped. Well, after doing 2 years of writing 7 a month, the break is nice but I don't wanna lose it.

I just need some umpf!

Seek And Ye Shall Hate Me

2006-08-17T22:17:00.000Z

I don't get much attention from work or anywhere really but when I do get it, it seems that I crave it and want more, to a point where I nag the person who gave me attention and usually it ends up that I scare them away or just annoy them too much. I'm learning though, I'm trying though, but it's bloody hard.

I feel like Pete from Big Brother. I'm not sure what to do, all this attention. It's been almost a week since I've had a proper conversation with my friend, though I did get a phone call today but only short. Maybe I am too in your face, I'm gonna leave my friend alone tomorrow and just hope for the best.

We'll see... hopefully I still have a friend out of this...

Also, I've injured my back at Scouts. It's killing and that's just sitting down. When I straighten up my back its even worse. When I laugh it feels like my chest is crushing me. It's really really painful... I might take some paracetamol and hope it disappears, but I also have an entire camp to go to and I'm not looking forward to that... not one bit!

Far Away Love

2006-08-12T21:52:00.000Z

How come every single guy I meet is far away, doesn't want anything, doesn't want to travel and therefore doesn't want me. I feel such a fool once more, once again in my life, thinking that something could... but nothing would...

The one guy who was close left me in a blazing glory to Scotland. He could come back, he might not, but he'll return to me. A guy who fancies me is not my type. So I'm stuck with love in far away worlds that I'll never visit, because they don't want me to, only as friends.

If that ground swallowed me whole right now, I'd probably be okay with it all. Maybe this is it, the unreachable love or maybe around that corner is the guy of my dreams. I'd just like to know... I'd just want to know... let me know soon... please...

Becoming Grey...

2006-08-09T20:35:00.000Z

The Scouts usually tease me on certain things. I have a mole on my chin, they'll do Austin Powers 3 on me. So when they said I had grey hair, I didn't think anything of it, seeing as I'd just dyed it recently and sometimes my blonde goes white and they comment I'm old.

Yesterday my sister said I had two grey patches of hairs, able to see in the sunlight. Everyone at the BBC I showed also agrees. I'm turning grey :( I always said when I got old I'd grow old gracefully and never change it, I'd keep the wrinkles, the old age, the grey hair, etc. etc. however I'm 23 and I'm turning grey.

Not only that but I'm turning grey in other places I'd rather not mention. I know Phillip Schofield had the same thing happen at this period but... I can't... I don't wanna... :( GREY at 23!!!

"Just A Cleaner"

2006-08-07T00:18:00.000Z

On Friday night when I went out, this guy tried to flirt with me. He was older, not my type, but I knew him and he was alright, it was quite nice to get some sort of attention after Stu and also attention from a person up close rather than half way around the world in a place that is far beyond my means to reach at this current time.

Anyway, what's riping me at the moment is the fact that when I went away, this guy told me that a work colleague had said this question to him: "Why are you interested in him? He's just a cleaner"

JUST A CLEANER! God damn it, does a work position make you something undesirable. Is it because I'm a cleaner make me less attraction, less worth an attention of anyone? I'm a cleaner, so do that mean I should just throw in the towel, nobody's gonna want a cleaner, we have no prospect, we scrub shit for a living, heck we even smell of cleaning chemicals or if not the byproduct of what waste the blasted BBC dispose of everyday.

Do you honestly believe I wanna be a cleaner? I heck as like don't and comments like that make me just wanna crawl into a hole or scream out like I am now. Sure I shouldn't be screaming out on a blog, I've learnt my lesson before about writing about people but this is just bugging me, enough to stop me from sleeping.

I'm a cleaner sure, my heart isn't in it sure, but I just want someone like the rest of you bloody high-paid tossers who do less work than we do. Give the little guy (in the job front) a break will ya! DICKHEADS!!! GRRR!!!!

the end

Night of No-Pulling

2006-08-05T01:42:00.000Z

I guess I went out to pull but also to look after my friend Lisa who's birthday is on Sunday. I don't really have much to talk about, work wise. We had a comment about Big Brother which we carried on into the night but nothing really concrete. But I still enjoyed it, I listened it, got some goss, it was quite fun, hehe :)

When we got to Fuel, I checked it out. I met Andy Train (who was one of the guys at the Springwatch event). We chatted, he's a very nice guy, he bought me two glasses of water, hehe. He also got me on stage to twirl some sparklers.

Alas we went into this room, cause I felt guilty talking to Andy and neglecting my friends, so I went back in and this girl had collapsed. Andy is a nurse so he suddenly went to the scene and helped out and everyone was dancing and I just couldn't. I felt like I couldn't dance because there was someone in distress. Now, since my hearing is bad, and the speakers were blurring out, I don't know if one of my friends I know said this or not but I heard that "well, she's had a good time, doesn't matter now, you have to have a good time", and to be honest I didn't want to, I just wanted to make sure she was alright.

She got into an ambulance, which was good, but I felt it was ruined. Then they kept asking who I fancied and tried pushing me into that direction which I really didn't want. Sure I wanted a kiss, sure I wanted to flirt but I'm too nervous. Online I'm fine, I don't have to worry about certain things, there's always the shrug, but actually going upto someone and them rejecting you is hard.

Why do I have to go up to people? Why can't they come up to me? Anyway... I just felt I really needed my own friends company. I used to have great nights out with Virgin, whereever we went and it didn't matter because I would always have someone to chat to. I lost that, I miss that. I miss having not many friends who I can go out with, friends my age, friends I can have a laugh and a chuckle with.

I also feel kinda lonely and alone :( I just feel I'm gonna get old and be lonely cause I can't pick up the courage to take rejection again, especially after Stu and probably before him as well... I just can't do anything anymore...

Missing a LOVE Life

2006-08-03T21:46:00.000Z

My life seems to be quite alright I guess... I think it's coming through, book 2 is now finished, just needs to type it all up, which I'll be doing in my spare time. Then I wanna sort out Waning Moon. I have a nude webcomic calendar getting done for charity which I'm running so I can't wait for that. Tons of projects really, but there is one thing lacking...

Love, or a sex life. They always said to me, all my friends, that once you try it, you'll be gagging for almost afterwards, cause you'll know how good it is. After Stu, I definately have :( I'm like a horny teenager again, it's quite a weird feeling... alas it's not helping at all... I don't think I'm good at the chatting up, I'm better at being chatted up, but nobody does it!

WHY don't guys (or girls) wait for others? Why can't I be the one waiting and getting tons of men after me? People say I'm hot so... why am I still single? Why haven't I found the guy? Why haven't I found anyone? I'd shag a lamppost if it would ask... :) Well, I'm off out Friday for one of my friends from work's birthday, so I'm hoping to go to a GAY BAR :) hehe... hopefully someone will "come" up to me :D

Final Few Days

2006-07-30T22:01:00.000Z

Yep, Twisted Tales is almost complete (in the writing sense). It's weird, there's some stories I wish I had the inspiration and time to finish off, especially Adorable Baby 2, some more Island type stories, All Because The Lady Loves Abrasive Cleaners and stories like that.

Sure I have two more years to get them into my third book, but I really wanted them in this one. Sure I'll be kinda sad but I'm also kinda happy that I've just finished writing Silent Kimbly based on the characters from the webcomic Silent Kimbly.

I've got one more to write tomorrow, something small, something ending, something dark I think... since Silent Kimbly was kinda nice and light in some ways. It's been a grueling 2 years writing 7 a month, now I can finally have my break and get on with other projects that have been pushed aside.

ONE MORE DAY AND IT'S ALL OVER!!! :D

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

2006-07-16T17:59:00.000Z

I'm sure I've got some form of this, since every single time someone chats to me or says hello, I think there's something there and keep pushing it, pushing and pushing until finally... they stop talking to me.

I wish I didn't do that. I just can't seem to stop myself usually, it's just one of those things. I'm gonna have to stop it, make them do the work. Someone said people should be lucky to have me in their life, so I should keep thinking that and make them work.

But what I worry about is if I don't push they might think I'm not interested. Why is like always a catch 22?

Under The Influence Of Having A Nice Day

2006-07-15T00:50:00.000Z

Today's been kinda weird, this morning was crap but tonight I went out for my friends party and I was expecting to be out for so long, I thought I wouldn't really enjoy myself. Boy was I wrong. I only knew her and Doug, but the others I never knew well or knew at all.

They were all ace, ace ace ace people! Had a great time, though after listening to my radio bit I wanted to go to Fuel (a gay nightclub) but no money as I'd spent all of my birthday money I had put aside for a rainy day and thought I may as well treat myself.

So, no pulling, no nuffin :( Ah well... though I really wanna go out more often, I quite enjoyed it! It's just going out with the right people that's for sure...

Funky Week

2006-07-12T21:47:00.000Z

I've been starting a few projects back up that I kinda stopped because of pressure or problems like my exercising. I stopped that but I've started it back up, so now I'm pushing up and sitting up and trying to build up my muscles and tone this body of mine. That 23 year old body that needs a good old fashioned reworking :) Also a haircut I sense... :)

I'm also doing some art, which is weird since to be honest I haven't done since school. It's quite cool, I'm making it with magazine cuttings.. just ripping up paper and gluing it down, it's quite nice. I'll take a picture when it's finished, maybe see if anyone wants to buy it :)

Also doing a project to hopefully finish my resolution for this year. I said I'd do a comic so I'm gathering some ideas for a pirate's comic, which will be well sweet. I've been doing some storyboards so hopefully that'll be coming soon as well ;)

Sunday Dinner 101 - Sausage Delight in Yorkshire Pud

2006-07-09T17:21:00.000Z

I take it in turns to cook Sunday Dinner at my new place, so every fortnight it becomes my turn and I always like to try something new (it's something that I'm like). This week I cooked what I like to call "Sausage Delight in Yorkshire Pud" in 35 minutes

Ingredients

8 Pork Sausages - Thick
One Large Onion
Peas
Carrots
1 x Pack of Aunt Bessy's Roast Potatoes (1 from Morrisons)
2 x Large Yorkshire Puds (Aunt Bessys)
Chicken Bisto (or if you have some which I didn't Sausage Bisto)
Olive Oil

What to do

Your roast potatoes take the longest (30 mins) so shove them in immediately. Then lightly grease a frying pan with Olive Oil and shove it on gas mark 5.

Chop the carrots and put the peas into two pans (of course they must be seperate, don't shove carrots and peas into one pan and carrots and peas into the other, that's just stupid!). Don't put them on yet though.

Place the sausages into the frying pan (by now they should be sizzling or if not, don't worry they will). Leave them whilst you chop your onion.

Turn them over with your tongs every 4-5 minutes until all sides are fully brown and cooked. Open the oven and shake the Roast Potatoes just to make sure they don't stick. After which put the sausages onto a plate to drain the excess grease and dispose of the oil in the pan.

When it gets to about 15 minutes until serving, shove your carrots and peas pans on, gas mark 6 I usually shove 'em on.

Then shove in your onions into your frying pan, getting them golden brown. After which sprinkle on a bit of Bisto (up to you, the more = thicker sauce which is nice). Pour in some water then cut the sausages each in half and place them into the frying pan.

With 5 minutes left, shove the giant Yorkshire Puds in the oven. Keep stirring the mixture of gravy & sausages & onions. Get two plates out and plenty of room to put the items around them (I don't have that luxury).

Everything's done! Place the Yorkshire Puds on the plate, the peas to the side (or inside if you're that way inclined), the carrots next, then the Roast Potatoes. Shove the mixture of gravy, onions and sausages into the Giant Yorkshire Pud and serve!

Delicious!!!

That's Entertainment!

2006-07-08T19:25:00.000Z

Well, Doctor Who has finished, Rose is dead, the Doctor is alone, the Dalek's are still out there, the Cybermen have been defeated and he has a Bride to be waiting in his TARDIS. It was a great finalle, a great thing and I really wish I was writing on taht show, I really do!

So far I've wrote one story for this month. My Adorable Boy. Nope, I know you know I'm trying to write a sequel to Adorable Baby but alas this isn't it, this is something totally different but I really like how it went, really pleased in fact.

I still have to get on with my site. Tomorrow I'm waking up at 10am, gonna go see Pirates of the Carribean at cinema and then sit at home watching horror DVDs so I can watch Carrie and get an idea for Adorable Baby 2 (clearly that ain't the title). I also want to write Island and do a All Because The Lady Loves Abrasive Cleaners. So hopefully I'll get those done by the end of this month and then that's it, book 2 finished, book 2 wrapped, take a bow, book 3 begins...

And what of book 3? Well, you wanna know I guess. And heck, if you are reading this you may as well get a hint of book 3. It'll be yellow, the yellow book as I like to call it. Like with all my books the title is a song title, alas not a Beatles, I've decided once I've used a certain band's title, I won't use another of theres but I really love Paperback Writer for my first book, and Twisted Tales of is a brilliant second book (from the Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat - my only TV theme tune title I'll steal). I have planned 8 books in total, all full of my short stories, all being published by myself (no matter if I'm famous), every 2 years, which means book 3 will be out in 2008. But this book is different, I'm sticking with a theme - journeys. The book HAS to have a journey, whether it be a journey in a car, journey across continents to the small journeys in life, love, lust and everything else.

So, book 3 out in 2008, about journeys, will probably be smaller as I'm not setting myself a task of writing 7 a month. I'm quite looking forward to August - no need to write stories, but maybe that may spur me into writing tons more. We'll see... I'll definately keep you posted on that.

My week at Comixpedia writing articles for the webcomic world is over. I kinda miss it now, even though I just got into it. Sure, I have my other blog, Webcomics in Print but I don't know, maybe being on Comixpedia made me feel like I am somebody instead now I'm back to the Cleaner, the Writer and the Person who reviews webcomic books now and again.

Rose said something in Doctor Who, she said before she met the Doctor she was dead already. I think I'm decomposing at the moment working as a Cleaner, I think it's getting time to move on, find another job. Something new, something different, something of a challenge per sec...? We'll see...

Kinda Low-ly

2006-07-03T21:48:00.000Z

Today I don't know what's with me of late but I'm in a "can't be arsed attitude". I just didn't really want to get up this morning, though the late night last night didn't quite help (3am watching movies and waking up at 9am). Then the day's been kinda naffy, kinda... weird...

When I came home from work it was quiet. Emma was still working until 10 so it was just me pottering around. For the first hour that was fine but the last hour I was lonely, really wanted to chat to someone or something and well nobody was online and well, didn't have any romance to actually sit and cuddle to, so I just sat on my own eating my dinner and bored.

Also had a story called Black Widow which is a fantastic idea but when I got home I just "couldn't be arsed" and decided not to write it. But tomorrow is another day, hopefully I'll get off my lazy butt and do something, its just maybe I need a different thing in my life to light up the fires of my life again and keep me going. It's just finding that fire I need...

Bloody MSN!!!

2006-07-01T19:56:00.000Z

I hate MSN now! I can't believe it! My normal account has been knackered because it's a yahoo account and it won't work anymore, so now I've had to get a hotmail account meaning that all my contacts have gone, all my friends!

Well, to call them friends is sometimes a bit iffy... about half of them I rarely spoke to, it was only a set amount of people, but even if they wanted to speak to me they can't now. It's not fair :( I wish I could get all my contacts back :(

BAH! BAH! Bah! But at least I completed my stories last month, now I have 7 more to go... I'm kinda sad about that though...

Kick Start...?

2006-07-01T09:57:00.000Z

I don't know what it is, maybe it's a kick start, but I've had a week of writing 5 stories for my book and I didn't want to do what I normally did and just write boring old tripe and to be fairly honest with you, I haven't. Every single story this week okay has been short but has been utterly fantastic, I quite like them.

I've only got 7 stories left to write, that's 7 stories that have to be bloody awesome! There's so many ideas written on scraps of paper, I really want Adorable Baby's sequel in it, I want another Island story, I want to complete the All Because The Ladies Love Abrasive Cleaners and I want to write No Place Like Hell.

That's 4 stories there but who knows what will get put in... it's all spooky... what will get put in. I also need a book cover, I need 2 introductions (that I have people writing), and I need to type them all up, with a writer's commentary all by the end of the month to submit it in. Will I do it...?

Bored... with life... in general...

2006-06-26T22:35:00.000Z

I'm getting extremely bored. I seem to have no energy anymore for the smallest of tasks. First of my short stories are slowly but surely dying on me, I have ideas but not the strength to continue or at least start writing, and when I do start I just can't continue to finish. It's becoming difficult, though that could be because I've been writing 7 per month for almost 2 years now, the break may do me some good.

Also, I'm getting bored with my life. Grown up life seems boring nowadays. I don't seem to haev any hobbies apart from sitting in front of a computer or watching television or sleeping. It's kinda dull that I don't do anything anymore. I think on Sunday I'm gonna walk a long way, get some fresh air and just relax, have a weekend off or something.

But I'm getting bored with my life. I need something to spice it up, change it. I need to change a few things with it, I need to change a lot of things in my life. We'll see what will happen... need to focus on Twisted Tales of Mike Rouse-Deane first, I have Writer's Commentaries to write for quite a lot of stories and also one month left!

Freedom of Speech

2006-06-21T23:05:00.000Z

I once loved that advert which says "the internet is a good thing - what do you think?". I once agreed that freedom of speech is a good thing too, you get to speak your mind, get to get things off your chest once and for all, until I got suspended from work because of something I wrote in a blog.

It was on MySpace and as my friends say MySpace pawned my ass (still not sure what that means but hey). I'm back at work after apologising to the person who I had commented about. So the internet isn't the place to vent anger, give your emotions nor get people to discuss them with you.

Freedom of speech - not anymore...

100 and still going...

2006-06-18T01:19:00.000Z

I just watched "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days" and it reminded me of almost everything I did with Stu when I first met him. Day 1 was great, Day 2 was special and romantic, Day 3 I kept texting him after singing to him in the morning, Day 4 I asked him whether we were boyfriends, Day 5 he came around unannounced and we spent time together, Day 6 we met up and we discussed a future and family, Day 7 we went to the movies and I tried my best to get close to him, Day 8 he ignored my texts, Day 9 he dumped me.

Watching the movie I know I did wrong, I know I should have been more cooler but I acted like a woman. Sure it was my first ever time, first ever relationship, but I should have known... ever since Stu left me as a friend on MySpace then after I asked him why (though from advice from friends I asked it like I was being nasty) he removed me and now he's on my mind again. Sure he'll disappear again but... I do miss him sometimes... even though I know it was probably for the best and even if we were friends I probably couldn't date him again because he'd probably dump me again (he seems to have a tendency to do that sorta thing), I still sorta miss him chatting.

Okay I have Ryan, I have my friends to talk to, but... as Linda said I guess, you never forget your first. I never believed I'd fall for someone, I would always find fault with people, I don't know why, maybe I always thought that people would find fault with me. I was right in a way though, Stu did find fault with me, several times, but I couldn't find fault with him. It was only when people said that he shouldn't have strung me along like that that I sorta hated him slightly for doing some things, saying some things, but I guess we learn from that, learn from experience.

He has tons and I only have one. I do think if I could go back what would I change, if I knew what I knew now? I'd probably do what I did later in the friendship, take him out for a meal, listen to him, chat, get to know him. And especially don't take a small hint like him talking about his house and showing me his address that this is a sign that he doesn't mind you visiting.

Most of my friends say he would have gotten rid either way and maybe they're right, maybe he would have found some excuse, but he's gone and I have to move on, it's just remembering him makes me hurt so much. 100th blog and I'm still moaning about something. I think with the knife thing, I've been thinking of things I regret in my life, things I should have done and didn't, and things I did that I shouldn't. But hey, you've got to make mistakes in life, I just hope I don't make any more....

Scouting is turning into a life threatening business!

2006-06-15T20:48:00.000Z

Just finished my Scouting of the day and when I arrived, there were a group of kids trying to get in. Of course they weren't Scouts nor were they there for friendly chats, they were infact trying to beat the crap out of one of the Scouts, so I stood at the door and tried my best to stop them.

They didn't get across the door, that's for sure, but at the time they held a knife close to me and threatened to kill me if I didn't move. I didn't move, but god I wanted to. It was bloody scary, it wasn't until I threatened to phone the police (and later, about 20 minutes later someone else had to phone). I was shaking badly, I was even gonna cry outside, I don't know why. Well, I do, we get taught about shock and stuff, and if he wanted to, he could have just thrust that knife an inch forward and I wouldn't be typing this, I'd be in hospital right now or worse - six feet under.

I don't know, why do kids do this? He was only about 14-15, police think they know who it is, but... its just... I didn't know I had it in me. I wanted to run but I wanted to protect the Scouts. Even if something had happened to me, at least I would have stood my ground at least. Jeez though... I was an inch away from a blade that I could have been killed by.

Lost Story!

2006-06-11T21:55:00.000Z

I was casually looking through my 2006 stories and noticed one missing - "It's Just Another Thing We Do" and I can't seem to find a text document on this computer, and I'm kinda worried that I've lost it. I hope it's still on the home computer, or have they erased the memory to remove their kids from the family's history, which it seems what they're doing over there.

I'm gonna have to have a look cause otherwise I'm screwed for book 2, one story missing, although they'll be tons more, I guess, but... that ain't the point...

Also, for those fans who know of this blog, you can visit one of the new pages by clicking here. There is something funky about it, not only do you get an interesting fact about either myself or something, but there's a hidden extra there... so that'll be cool to see...

I'm hopefully gonna be picking Charles Woolbright's mind this week sometime into helping me with the other pages. I have ideas but not sure how to impliment them, so we'll see... hopefully he'll know what to do and have suggestions/ideas.

Once the site is ready I'll be doing pre-orders for book 2 to hopefully gain some cash to publish it. It'll be £15 for book 2 before anyone else gets it and each one will be signed :) So, if its less expensive you've paid for the signature, if it's more expensive you've saved by getting it earlier I guess... :)

Somethings Lurking In My Head

2006-06-10T19:34:00.000Z

I don't know what's with me today. Lack of willpower, energy, something's up with me, I just don't really want to do anything. I'm in a rut. I always say that, when I don't have a job and can't be bothered getting up, etc. I class that as being in a rut, not wanting to do anything with my life, I think I'm in a creative rut, a rut I'm not sure how to get out of.

If I force out a story, it'll turn out sucky, if I don't force out a story I'll get to the end of the month and have to rush around hoping I get 7 done. Okay, I've only got two month's left of writing that, but I also want my website sorted, I want to start pre-orders, gain some capital that will hopefully get me enough money to get my book processed to begin with.

I'm gonna try! Tomorrow, I'm gonna get up, come online and if my friend ain't on, I'm gonna sit outside and try to write, or maybe write whilst he's here. I have some stories I need to do. Tonight I'm watching some horror movies so I can write the sequel to Adorable Baby, then I have the "No Place Like Hell" to write and finally "All Because The Lady Loves Abrasive Cleaners" which I want to get in this book if nothing else. 3 stories, 13 left to write... can I do it...? we'll see... only two months to go... and I have to get a cover sorted as well...

Why can't I fly?

2006-06-06T23:14:00.000Z

For the past few days now I've tried to spread my wings into the world of just meeting people, messaging people, talking to people, trying to get a life for myself, a life close by, but every single time, every single day I think about one guy in particular, he knows who he is I guess...

I don't know, I just click with certain people and don't with others. Some clicks are of friendship only and others are... a bit more... I've tried, god damn it, but I just keep thinking of Ryan. I know I shouldn't, he's dating Sean, or seeing Sean or wanting something with Sean, I'm not sean, erm... I mean sure :)

Ryan makes me smile, Ryan makes me happy. Haven't spoken to him for days now, seems like months, which sounds even more freaky that I don't talk to him often enough. I enjoy coming back from work because I know there's always a MySpace message from him waiting for me, something to cheer me up and keep on going on.

He'll probably read this and think I'm such a freak but hey if you can't write it in a blog nor in a diary, where in the world can you? I wish I could fly, fly into the world of dating other people but Ryan is always at the back of my mind cheering me up and I can't currently find anyone that does that so quickly. Our first conversation we clicked, we just... I don't know... I want to find that again but then I don't. I'd pack my bags tomorrow and move, just on the off chance something could work between us, even if it was for a day, a week, a month, a year, I'd like to see, I'd like to try.

But alas, he's far away, Tasmania, and I'm here in dull miserable Hull. Maybe I'll find someone over here, someone closer to home. Will I click? Will I forget about Ryan? Will that person make me feel the way Ryan makes me feel, even when he just messages me "hello" :) We'll see... maybe I don't need anyone yet... I'll just keep casting my net out, see what I see...

Burnt, Knackered but still alive!

2006-06-03T17:04:00.000Z

It's been a REALLY long week, as most of you guys know, I haven't been online all the time, hehe. It's been 10am-8pm each day except for Friday which was 8am-8pm, then I went to bed last night at 1am after listening to my radio show performance - Confessions of a Cleaner!!! It was my turn, quite good show, someday I'll put it online for you guys to listen to.

Today I woke up at 8am again, getting prepared for the day's event. It was the BBC Springwatch and I was situated next to the face paints making button badges for the kids, it was brilliant. I enjoyed doing it after worrying something was gonna go wrong. I still have the templates, I printed too many but at least I know next year.

I made 392, which was superb, that's about maybe £60-£70 worth which is ace to go in my pocket that's for sure :) Also found out where my money has been disappearing to, I haven't been spending it honestly, the gas/electric from my home was taking it from me since my mother hadn't really informed them that it was definately coming from her account, so I've been paying rent here and then also bills for my old home, drat! So that's another £150 coming my way!

So today I've been burnt, and I'm now hurting. I need a hunky guy to smother me in suncream or just smother me :) So I have tomorrow off roughly, well, I have to do shopping but I'm gonna have a nice sleep tonight methinks! But then back to work, normal time now, 2pm-8pm, so I can have a relaxing time!

To see what I looked like, have a look. Would love to do it again, but not sure if I could do it at a webcomic convention, I'd really be interested in going around the stalls instead of being stuck at one for most of the time :( Enjoy my pic anyway!

Not Getting Enough

2006-05-29T21:43:00.000Z

Both of you are sick! Well, there's only two of you who read this anyway but both of you are still sick for thinking that! It's my latest story I might add, which I'm quite proud of (and thanks to DaVinci Code soundtrack as well, still need to officially buy that). But anyway, Not Getting Enough is my first dab into werewolf mythology, without stating its about werewolves.

You know me, I like to get my reader to connect the dots and this is no different. I'm very quite proud of this one, I think now my mojo is back, my creative juices are flowing and I'm slowly but surely getting back on track after the downfall of it after Stu did what he did.

But I'm getting through it, I'm becoming happy, I'm becoming what I used to be before Stu and during Stu and that's always good. Charles said to me that he's glad I'm smiling and so am I, I'm enjoying it and heck, if I write as good as I did with this one, who knows, the last bits of book 2 will look awesome!! I'm just needing to get my cover and back cover done though...

I also need to sort out what I'm doing for this BBC thing. I'm gonna try to get some designs, like butterflies, just outlines of them, things that are spring and stuff, for kids to come to my stall and make their own little badge. It seems the BBC don't want to pay me, so I'm gonna have to charge 50p, see if anyone bites with that price. I'm sure they will. I'll also have some blank templates if they want to make something else in badge form.

Also got a new order for my button badges, well, he's paid me but not given me any designs, so I can't grumble. And Jon (from Little Terrors) said he's gonna get a new set when he gets paid so that'll be £100 and that should keep the Mastercard people at bay for a bit and allow me to eat this month. If I get 4 orders per month, maybe 5, I'll be happy. It's just finding people who want orders... my next target - Beaver & Steve...