Mrs Dalloway

I've just watched the Hours yet again on this miserable day of mine that I've had. I've been seeing this guy that I really like and on our second encounter I decided to tell him about my exs, why they disbanded after one week, how I madly worry when they don't text back and the like and made him think I'm the worst thing going.

Of late, actually for quite some time now, I've been thinking of my life, what is my life? I wake up in the morning and already am hoping for sleep. There is nothing that fills the day more. I close my eyes and I enjoy myself but when I wake up, it's the nightmare of life I enter. Instead of telling anyone this, I meerly smile my way through life ebcause people would think I'm at it again. I always am. My problems seem greater than anyone elses. There's people dying in the world yet I seem that my trivial life, the life I aren't living is more important.

Since I've been with this guy, things have changed. I wake up in the morning and I enjoy the day more. I receive a text and my face smiles. And yet, on our second date, the second is usually the worst for me, I bodge it all up with me worrying and therefore making him worried. If he told his friends, I know what I would suggest to him, to cast him aside, throw him away.

I hope not, I hope he stays with me and my little insecurities, inconsistances. When I'm with him I have fun, I have laughs, I have someone I can speak to that's new in my life, that's different and yet just like me. He holds me and it isn't just him holding me, but it feels like he likes me for me.

He's away this weekend, busy this weekend. He's coming back tomorrow and I so long for a message, a call, something that will make me realise he still does have something for me, he wants to know more about me. I so wish for tomorrow to come and that the smile will be placed upon my face.

My only worry - it won't come at all.